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Showing posts from 2008
First off thanks to all that put their two cents in on my last blog entry. I have decided to come to terms with the situation and move on. I think it will be the first women I regretted not conforming to and seeing where it went. When I say conform I mean, go along with the direction it was heading, all the while not considering the consequences.

I think I may mope around and kick myself for awhile.

Thanks again everyone.
So I met this girl. Well she was a girl a few years back. She is more like a fully developed woman. She knows exactly what she wants and for some reason was interested in me. Tell you the truth I am very interested in getting to know her. However I am not confident around her. I am confident in my everyday life but not as of yet around her.

Anyways, I went out on a date with her and found that I don't know what I want in a woman. So what do I do? Lie... no. Make a list... no. Truth is I don't know.

What makes matters worse. She is backing away from me, and I don't know what I did? To make matters worse, I do business with her and I don't want that to be awkward. So what do I do? Let it all go, move on? Try to make this right? Perhaps their is a happy medium. What I need is advice.
I have too much stuff...

This is the conclusion I have come to after going through part of my house and discovering items I purchased 2 years ago, that I have not moved from their hiding place. I'm thinking about cleaning house, I mean really clean the house inside and out. Which leads me to good thoughts and real thoughts. Good - I am going to free up so much room. Real - I am going to get half way to starting and something will come up. My hope is that I get more than half way this time.

When I was first starting to work out I lived with my parents. Lets face it, I was a high school husky kid, who was unsatisfied with my body image and it transfered to my personality. I knew (even as a kid) that my transformation to a strong muscled adult was going to take time. I projected that my physical maturity would peak when I was around the age of 30. I would have transformed my eating habits, my physical routine, and my life cycle to something that would warrant the sustained lifestyle. T…
Critical Mass Aproacheth.

Every few months I get a moment that approaches. A moment that I feel I need to report on. This is one of those moments.

I am all for hard luck cases, rarely do I make them part of my life. The way I see it, if they were really hard luck, they wouldn't be coming to me for help. They usually have their own moments of zen and fix the situation themselves. Usually I will entertain the idea and eventually come to the conclusion that I don't have time to concern myself with the outcome because I need to deal with myself and those immediately around me.

My house is my sanctuary. I feel safe here and I enjoy the solitude of getting away from people. My room mate challenges those feelings, and I am overall surprised of where those challenges bring me. I have another challenge approaching.

My room mate is busy with work. He wants me to help him, but I am too expensive. So he has had to illicit the help of his cousin who is moving here from Lethbridge. Except his …
In April I witness a death. I was sitting down at a table, watching the dancers on the floor. When a couple did something odd. The man just went stiff and fell backwards almost tripping his partner. It wasn't a minute when they started to do CPR and when the EMT's rolled him away, we hoped for the best, but we knew chances of coming out on top was slim.

Today something similar happened to me. Except it wasn't a death. However I basically tripped over my partner and fell stiff to the floor. We both knew coming out of this was slim, and we mutually broke up. She started discussion and I concurred. We were both thinking similar things. She was frustrated, and I know she had valid reasons for her anger with me. I admit it, I was the one in the wrong. She gave me so many chances, and I instead of trusting my gut (which I wasn't sure was my gut), decided to let the relationship continue.

My gut feeling was her gut feeling. I should have just trusted her. It felt good being wit…
Poker Problem

I have to admit I have a problem. I seem to always even out in poker. I play about twice a month and sometimes squeeze in an extra game every season. It's a $20/event habit. 4 hours of fun, I pay less then it would cost to employ a McDonald's food server. It is truly starting to get out of control.

I thought about what I should do to remedy the problem. Here is the list of what I have come up with:

- Find new friends.
- Demononize Gambling.
- Take less chances.
- Form a prayer group.
- By UNO cards only.

I won my second consecutive pot. I even split it with 2nd place. Could have been $100 bucks richer, but I wanted to go home. Seems like the cards were playing my way both nights. However, for awhile it looked like I was not going to win either game until players started dropping off.

The thing I like about poker is that for less than it costs to go out properly. I can converse with like minded individuals who all play differently within respects to what cards come before …
Technicolor Dream Coat

A good kiss. Once elusive to me. Once something I was anxious about. Has treated me with a dose of courage. Courage that I have felt before, but different somehow. All of a sudden women as a whole seem closer, more meaningful, more necessity. Like I had a pair of rose colored glasses on my forehead and they just now slid down over my eyes. "That's where they were!" as if I forgot where I left them. They were on my mind the whole time.

Hard to explain. I equate it to sky diving. You want to do it, but you don't want to die. When your in the plane, you know your going to do it, but you don't want to die. Then when you climb out and do it, you think.... wow I'm higher than I ever thought I would be... This feels great. I need to do this again and again. Maybe I'll do a flip next time. But never in your mind does it enter your mind that "I'm going to die". Quite the opposite, you feel more alive than when you started.

I'm…