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Showing posts from March, 2004
Have you ever cocked your head to the side like a dog? For some strange reason I cock my head as if, the slight change in angle will make whatever I look at make more sense. I had one of these moments while looking at a cbcradio3.com art collection of women wearing their favorite old undies. Truly fascinating, and a great distraction from the real boring tasks at hand today.
Clean up my address book and get all the people I don't know outta here.

It looked like a great idea. The execution was not so pleasent. Due to some server errors with hotmail, I seem to have lost almost all of my addresses that I have been trying to keep. What a bummer. Over 200 good email addresses and almost all have been lost.

Sometimes you just got to grin and bare it.
A whole week since my last entry. I am now almost withdrawn from my computer course. It was a mentally tough thing to do but once it was over, the only difference is that my mark will not be recorded. Which could be a blessing in disguise.

I talked with my grandfather about gardening. Something which I am starting to get excited about since I have a garden in the back yard, and space for flowers along my yard. I even thought about placing a raspberry bush along the back fence. It would be a nice invitation for me to get into my backyard and the neighbor's would like them too. It is kind of exciting to know that I have the potential to grow stuff in my yard. I am even thinking about rooting an apple tree my grandfather has in his back yard to continue the tradition of juicing fruit (in 7 years or so).

Also, I am going to get started with the painting of the ceilings now that I have a sprayer. Dad put the first coat on and now its time to do another coat. Then its off to the mudding…
I had to make a hard decision today. I went to the registrar office and picked up a request to withdraw form from the girl at the counter. I have to get my instructor to sign the sheet and then the department head. It wasn't a shining moment, in fact I can't seem to get out of this sloutch. The stupid thing is that I have a lot going for me and I can't seem to get past it.

Maybe to jump this hurdle I should start concentrating on making other peoples lives more cheerful. You know give smiles, and see what kind of reaction I can get. I say this because I can't seem to meet people as easily as I once was. I can almost just shut down when I am meeting people. For instance, I am a grog at the gym which I am not changing (but I could smile a little more). That's not the case, what is the case is that I am surrounded by women, some drop dead some working their way towards drop dead, and I think I could throw some compliments when I seem them outside the gym. I am still h…
Things are potentially looking up. A few things happened today. I started thinking about how I would make the fire dept, instead of how I may fail (even though failure is very dominant still in my mind). I started to understand what I have been given and what I am striving for. Finally I received a letter from a woman, who until today has been a character is a very real story.

I will start out with the woman. Her name is Susan Tom and she has been taking care of children that in other circumstances others would perhaps shy away from. In doing so, she has made a wonderful life for her family, who deal with real issues and simpler problems. Some of her children will die before I do, some will live very comparable lives to everyone else. The truth is, she is living a life which in my mind is worth living. Total devotion to her family and with a real sense of who she is and what priorities come first within her life. Anyways, I feel as if I know her and her family, when the truth is, I kn…
The expression of the day is cheerfully horrible. I am crying during heartfelt songs, I have a generally angry face most of the day. This cold is not helping much. I think I just need a good all out cry. Just for about an hour. Just so I can equalize again. It has become apparent that this second chance is a blessing, and I should care for it and not take any part of a second chance without total seriousness. I now know what potential fire fighters go through when they are cut from the process.

I saw a movie last night that I could not stop watching. CBC's "The Passionate Eye" showed a documentary called "My Flesh and Blood". It was a wonderful look at a mother that used her life to nurture kids who were born with disadvantages. Some brutally burned, some without legs, some with genetic diseases, and some with a clear knowledge that they are going to die, sooner than later. It was a heart felt documentary, and I will never look at the world with the same eyes a…
I'm still beating myself up over this failed interview. The more I think about it the more angry I get. I want so much to turn the blame on the interviewers, but I just can't. I screwed up and I have to learn from what I had done wrong. Which was a lot. Boy oh boy, I feel extremely horrible. Usually I can let stuff like this go, but something about this has stuck with me. What is clear is that the more I talk about this out loud the better I feel. However its when I am alone in my head, when no one is there to bounce off my peaks of emotion, I boil over. I just need to release somehow. Working out is an ok method. I need something else. I just for the life of me can not figure out what.

Today I was taking a coffee break at a strip mall when two similar yet totally different situations occurred. It was a windy day, and things were sailing with the wind. A shopping cart started to roll towards a parked car and within cm's the cart swerved slightly from the path of the car. I…
Strike two. I did not get past the interview process, the reason was a weak interview. However my interviewers did give me one more chance. I have one year, then I can apply again. One more year and one more chance.

I feel uneasy and at the same time as if it was expected. Part of myself is saying, "Weak interview!", while the other side says "Ya, it was a weak interview."

I know that I answered some of the questions with a little bit of a 3rd person view and I know that it worked against me. I also have a feeling that, my answers were not as cut and dry as they should have been. I will have to work on that.

Another time to re-evaluate my life has come. I will have to look at school, priorities, work. In fact, this interview has made me think about how I deal with my surroundings. I will have to change the way I work, change the things I do, and change how I have been preparing for the fire dept.

I think it may be time to bring all of my resources available inward…
Eight hours untill my shinning moment. I will be getting 6 hours of sleep tonight. My fire fighter interview is tommorow, or should I say today. 50/50 chance. Its my best odds yet. Keep your fingers crossed, this road is about to getting interesting.
Yesterday I purchased new lights for my new house. An expensive but energy saving measure in the long run. The lights take a little bit to get used to but energy saved is in the long run something to smile about.

Also, I purchased a lunch container (finally) which I will use in conjunction with my new fridge to save money and time going to the local food establishments to get lunch and dinner. Most of the time I end up going to Safeway or Co-op anyways but the smaller servings are always more expensive. I am looking to save money and I think this lunch box will do it. It carries an icepack (or two) and two litres worth of liquids, along with room to spare for sandwiches and whatever. There is even a pocket on the outside. You know your life is dull when you are raving about a lunch box. However the lunch box is big (20 cans of pop big) and that's what I was gunning for.

Why am I writing about this? Well today was my first outing with the lunch box and my milk which I have been to…
It's a done deal. I am now the proud owner of a mortgage for a house. It will be a long (hopefully not) next few years of paying off this house, but I am confident that I can do it. The goal is to save money where possible and put it towards my payments and things for the house. How will I do that? A few ideas:

- Renter/roommate
- Energy savings through lights, water, heat.
- Programmable thermostat.
- Energy saving lights.
- Buying in bulk,
- Energy saving shower heads.
- compost and growing vegetables/ herbs in the garden.
- The list goes on....

What fun it is to laugh and play in my very own house!

Other than that. It is now time to start planning to renovate. Then it would be time to start changing the surrounding to suit my life.

An exciting time indeed.